The escapades of Wild Orchid

I'm a girl - a short documentary about a trans teen.

2012-01-13T23:37:00.000+01:00

Joppe is a very articulate, brave and inspiring teenage girl.
I wish her all the best in life.

A quickie

2011-07-06T14:16:00.001+02:00

Just an observation I've made. Recently Mum told me that she and her Dad didn't have sex with kids at home in order not to traumatize them. She also shared how walking on her parents was a shock to her. They were so "un-traumatizing" that they raised me with a paraphilia. Life is an infinite irony.

Lets's face it

2011-06-19T18:31:00.000+02:00

last winter's medical problems left me with facial scaring. I've been putting off writing this post, trying to avoid this issue. Now, as I am beginning, my eyes are already getting wet. I'm usually quick to cry and it usually feels very cathartic. I am hoping that this post will help me examine my feelings, accept them and move on instead of constantly repeating the mantra of 'it will get better". It will get better - most scars do, but I can't put my life on hold till it does.

It all started at the end of November. The weather was really cold and snowy, with temperatures reaching 5F (-15°C). Something grew on my cheek. It was a bit painful - at first I thought my acne was acting up again. But then it stared multiplying quickly. I think it grew to half an inch in diameter before I took it to the dermatologist. She said it was herpes. That diagnose gave me a bit of a pause. First of all my Dad has herpes and I must have been exposed to the virus at a very young age but never had any symptoms. Why now? Why not when I had anemia, or when the weather was even less pleasant and I was spending more time outdoors? It also didn't look like herpes I've seen.

Nevertheless I accepted the diagnose, bought the prescribed antiviral and started using it. My face only got worse. It was horrible. It itched, hurt and spread. One of the bumps appeared on my lower eyelid. I started covering it. In a week I was at the dermatologist's again with my face leaking puss. This time I was seen by the other doctor (there are two dermatologists there, it's the only walk-in derm in the city, others are appointment-only with a long waiting list). When I unstuck the gauze she nearly recoiled. She was very sympathetic, asking me about headaches (I had one for so long I stopped noticing it), nausea (ditto) and offering to write a leave from my Uni and asking if I was OK (apart from feeling and looking like shit I was). I declined the leave, thanked her and left to fill the prescription for antibiotics she gave me.

For the next couple of weeks the situation gradually got better. There were some relapses when I finished the course of antibiotics - but they were caught quickly (so quickly that the left side of my face that got the bumps in the second round then didn't scar). I was able to eat the Christmas Eve supper (the most important meal during that holiday in Poland) without putting my family off their's.

Now it's summer. And my face looks almost the same as it did in February or March. My scar is there for the long haul. It's more than a square inch and looks a bit like a bad acne scar. It's red and rough to the touch. I can cover it with make-up to make it less visible - and I did, a couple of times, but that requires acknowledging it and giving it power over me. Once in a while I get some acne. It goes away quickly and doesn't leave a mark. The scar stays the same, the pores sometimes clogging a bit.

Yesterday I was editing my last masturbation video. Most of my work consisted of cropping the image and removing the bloopers (the batteries in my clit vibe went dead and I didn't have the wand handy). I could leave the bottom of my face un-cropped. I have pretty lips (the best part of my face IMNSHO) but they aren't enough to make me recognizable. In stead I blackened the edges of the video. I can't see my scar as beautiful. (And there we go with the moist eyes again.)

Scars can be beautiful. For me their beauty is in what they represent. I've never considered my mothers scars from the C-section or breast removal as ugly. They are the memento of what she went through. Of her suffering but also of her will to survive, to bring me and my sister to the world and to stay here to care for us. What my scar symbolizes? 50% chance of getting to the right dermatologist in the office I visited. I feel like I failed my body. Like I wasn't smart enough, persistent enough, responsible enough to notice that something wasn't right sooner.

I wont deny that some of this post is a blatant bid for sympathy. It kinda is. Don't kick my ass for it.

My new video is out

2011-06-19T15:54:00.001+02:00

Watch me having fun with my copy of the Bent Graduate, Tantus Acute, my fingers, my clit vibe and the "Japanese torture device" wand.

Who can guess when I come? Hint: I had two strong orgasms (the third was after watching the footage on the camera so it happened off-stage) and the second one is pretty obvious.

Click here to go to XTube if you don't like watching embedded vids.

My Masturbation May Compilation

2011-06-07T00:12:00.001+02:00

This piece was originally published in two parts at Dodson&Ross. I decided to merge the two parts and re-post it here.

A couple of years ago I’ve heard about “The 30-Day Sex Challenge” and thought BS. Compulsory vaginal penetration every day of the week, no mater if you feel good or are sick, if you want to express your love or would rather break something after your last fight is not something I would agree to. How come I’m starting this month with “31-Days Self-Pleasure Challenge”?

Lack of privacy, spending hours surfing the net and accomplishing nothing (not having a great time either), significant reduction in the quality of my solitary sex life – those are the main reasons. The other one is that unlike in the original challenge here I have to only factor in myself and the most exciting thing: almost anything goes.

So, what are the rules?

I get to masturbate every day.
Tension quickies with my clit vibe and 3 minutes of stimulation don’t count. I have to at least think up a decent fantasy.
I have to use every toy that hasn’t hurt me at least twice during the month.
I write up one of the fantasies I had during the week. I try to do it in English, tough Polish is better than nothing. I don’t get to censor myself. The fact that only about 0.00001% of people would find my kinks hot doesn’t matter.
If somebody proposes an activity, position, technique etc. in the comments I’ll give it an honest try provided it’s relatively safe.

Update 01

I’ve started with a bang - yesterday's session was so awesome that I should write about it while the details are fresh. For mental stimulation I used porn: a scene from Nina Hartley’s Guide to Double Penetration, a scene with Felony and Dana from Everything Butt that I’ve jerked off to before, a clip of an attractive man self-fucking and some unnamed enema porn that I had on my laptop. What was different than usual was that I was very aroused by women’s and men’s shouts and moans of pleasure. They seemed very genuine and went straight to my clit. When I was doing a re-play I timed myself to orgasm around the time the characters did – it had a terrific effect.

I started with clit play then added Tantus Acute – my newest dildo. It felt wonderful but soon my clit vibe started dying. I switched it for my wand – adding a small towel to soften the vibes. It’s no Hitachi but it’s still as gentle as a jackhammer and it doesn’t have speeds – only 12 patterns . I never know which pattern I will like when I switch it on. Yesterday it was 8, which I’ve found terribly annoying for months. I continued in that fashion for some time, going back to the weak vibe once in a while to avoid numbing my clit. I managed to test a new position – kneeling. Verdict: it works well with good mental stimulation; needs to be tested in harsher conditions.

When felt loose and juicy I took out my glass dildo. Its big bulb went in easily and I started massaging the front wall of my vagina with it. I remembered the last podcast. I didn’t find any area, organ or spot that felt better than others but my orgasms were still strong, the blanket beneath me soft (and dry) and the porn hot as hell so I didn’t even have a chance to feel disappointed.

When I was more or less finished I decide to try anal. A couple of days ago I had a horrible experience – I used too much force to push a butt pug in and then fell asleep with it still in. Getting it out was not only painful but also dangerous. I don’t know if I will ever go back to that plug. It’s silicone but the shape is difficult to get out or in. When it’s in it feels rather brilliant. So I started with my fingers. I’ve never hurt myself with fingering – it’s always good so I decided I might as well give it a go. I stayed longer on four (not all the way in) and did some breathing exercises.

Then I put lube on the Acute and pressed it against my ass. “Blink” and it was in. I couldn’t believe what happened! The head of the Acute is bigger than lots of things I’ve struggled to insert. And it goes in easier than a hot knife into butter. I think the material has a lot to do with it. Smooth silicone that has zero drag but in some magical way manages to keep the lube on. The fact that I did the breathing exercises and that I was half-way to brain-dead from previous orgasms didn’t hurt either.

I tried thrusting but I wasn’t very enjoyable because of the lack of texture and I was too lazy to find a good position (I don’t get off on my side). So I left it there like a plug and got off with the wand.

All in all I've managed to have about 10 orgasms. Two in the morning na the rest in the evening.

Today I’ve found another Tantus toy for a reasonably cheap price. It’s anal and it has texture. Guess who’s be happy ;)

Update 02: Monday
I didn’t have any privacy for the whole day and to be frank my muscles were a bit sore from the previous day’s effort. To complete my assignment I turned my computer off for the night earlier than I normally would have and went to the bathroom to get ready for bed. Just as I was lying down my sister decided to do the same so I had a couple minutes while she was washing. I took my clit vibe, turned it on (since I forgot to recharge the batteries again the only speed it had was low) and started fantasizing. I decided on a fantasy that incorporated my fetish and some power dynamics, borrowing characters from my favorite fandom. It’s funny how I can’t get into reading Harry Potter fan fiction anymore but still fantasize about the characters. It’s a bit like fantasizing about an ex. Just as I was getting into it she was coming back so I had to turn the vibe off. I bided my time, developing my fantasy, getting wetter and wetter. When it was safe for me to start again I decided against using my clit vibe – it’s pretty quiet but can still wake somebody and it wouldn’t probably get me off anyway. Taking out the wand was a suicide move since that thing is louder than a blender. So I decided to use Acute and my fingers. It worked surprisingly well. The orgasm was stronger and longer than my usual hand-made ones and I didn’t feel overstimulated at all.

Update 03: Tuesday

This time I recharged two sets of AAAs and fed them to my clit vibe and my Butterfly Kiss. I decided to use the latter since I felt I neglected it since I’ve got new toys. The vibrations felt much weaker than usual and I got off on the third speed that normally was off limits. What an orgasm! My body seized and my head and shoulders were lifted and then crashed on the matters. I sometimes have those orgasms: the most powerful ones caused tree lifts and falls each. I’m glad to see them return.

Update 04: Wednesday

Had to use my sister’s evening bathroom visit as a privacy source again. This time it was particularly irritating since I had a new toy to try. I’ve bought myself a new rabbit. This time it was TPR Jessica Rabbit Slim from Living Joy. When I unpacked it earlier at my grandma’s (who’s been so kind lending me her address to have new toys shipped to!) I couldn’t figure out the controls! Me! Me, who learns all the devices in no time. I finally did figure it out but I didn’t get to enjoy it then (if you don’t count two minutes after doing a mountain of washing up – I don’t). So I tried to enjoy the new rabbit. And failed. The rotation on this thing is weak-ass. I gave up, put the clit stimulator on the continuous speed (no low-mid-high – what’s with me and vibes that have only patterns?!) and had a tension orgasm. I decided it doesn’t break the no-3-minutes-tension-orgasms rule because it was way out of my pattern that the rule is designed to break.

Update 05: Thursday

This time I used my sister’s TV break to get off. I tried the rabbit once more, this time without high expectations. The rotation still sucks ass. On the second thought: no it doesn’t. If it sucked ass it would get me off in no time. But it doesn’t suck anything. It doesn’t work. The vibe stops rotating as soon as it’s in my cooch. Don’t even have to clench my muscles. That said it wasn’t a complete waste of time (and money). The clit stimulator has some nifty patterns. The first is a subtle pulse. When I felt it I thought “helicopter”. It’s quite gentle but I managed to get off to it with the shaft inserted and shut off. Then I tried other patterns and got off again to the last that’s “helicopter pattern” escalating to a steady pulse. It was very exciting because it kept me on edge, hoping to get off on the next increase, but only climbing higher and higher. I finally forced the orgasm by clenching. I think that was a mistake. I wonder what would happen if I let the orgasm come more naturally. Of course my sister barged in the middle of the session because she couldn’t sit through the commercials and made a huge fuss. *Insert accusations of being addicted for daring to have some orgasms when other people are home*. When I was alone again I decided I wasn’t satisfied and I took out my Acute and the wand. (The rabbit uses AAAs so my clit vibe would be weak again). That last one was fun!

Update 06: Friday

Visited my grandma and got off with her sleeping in front of a blaring TV in the other room. I’ve got a new pattern: get wet through a fantasy (or porn), stick Acute in the pussy, put a vibe on the clit and BOOM. This has to evolve or I’ll bore you and myself.

Update 07: Saturday

I failed. I broke the first rule. It wasn’t a completely lost as a “day of self-pleasure” since I got to re-watch Inception. Too bad I fell asleep before Eames and Arthur got to do the nasty in my head.

Update 08: Sunday

Used the new pattern listening to Christopher Hitchens read his book. Done it twice to make up for the lost day. Or maybe because he was talking about boys jerking off in the old-fashioned public boarding schools.

Update 09: Monday

I’ve got a solution to the privacy issue. It’s not ideal but better than nothing: get up earlier, just after my sister leaves for Uni. I start later on Mondays and Tuesdays. That’s hours of possible wank-time. I did this today and used my pattern for half an hour. It’s 11:30 PM now. I will try to get one more orgasm today: just with my hands. Haven’t done that in a while.

Update 10: Tuesday

The day started with me taking a trip to the beach. I chose one that is less popular with tourists because it’s almost entirely wild – the only restaurants and ice cream parlors are near the main entrance. Since the weather was sunny but not overly warm, there were only a couple of people. I headed east, walking along a strip of wet and firm sand, breathing deeply and enjoying the near-solitude. Then I decided to get settled and choose a spot just below the dunes, with a nice big tree trunk to sit or lie down on.

While I was resting and letting my thoughts run wild I got an idea to add one count of semi public masturbation to my May adventure. I started fantasizing, getting myself hot, but whenever I thought I could start touching someone appeared on the horizon. Then two young women decided to sit down about 10 meters from me. I tried to wait them out but then decided it was pointless, since more and more people started appearing on the shoreline. I could have gone to the dunes but decided against it and packed my things to leave. While I was walking back I was hyper-aware of my arousal – the seam of my jeans kept rubbing against my clit, I was wet.

I returned home and took my course book to bed with me. It was soon forgotten in favor of the Butterfly Kiss and later the Acute and my fingers. I came three or four times that day. My orgasms with Butterfly Kiss felt like lightening bolt to the clit. This cheap vibe is worth more than most of the high end toys to me.

Update 11: Wednesday

One rule of my assignment was to fulfill all the suggestions posted in the comments to my last post. Somebody proposed getting off in the shower. I knew how it was going to end but my ambition refused to let me capitulate without a fight. I got myself excited and took the Acute and my clit vibe with me to the bathroom cabin. I turned the shower on and, after playing with my clit for a while, slid the dildo into my vagina. The water was hitting and caressing my body: my back, my shoulders, my breasts. I turned the clit vibe up, ready to get off. I was very close but nothing happened. Soon the water washed all my wetness and the vibe started dragging unpleasantly. So I switched it off and took the showerhead from its stand. I turned it to a high-pressure, vibrating setting and started massaging my clit with it. I still could get very close but the relief of orgasm was beyond my reach. I gave up, washed myself with the dildo still in and attacked my clit again. I had t stop and start a couple of times. My thigh muscles got sore from clenching, my arm muscles got sore from pulling on my clit or trying to fuck my ass with my butt cheeks clenching and preventing access. I was ready to collapse from exhaustion, when I finally, finally came. It was a long and moderately strong orgasm but the pleasure was nothing compared to the relief I felt. Just as I was expecting.

Updates 12-15: Thursday-Sunday

I got my period. I had some very mild cramping and I used the clitoral part of the Butterfly Kiss (with the shaft bent against my vaginal opening) to chase it off whenever it showed its u
gly head. Compared to my previous periods this one was very, very mild and almost painless. I wonder how much of this is due to frequent orgasms before my I got it and how much due to pure chance.

Update 16: Monday

As soon as I got rid of the cup I had a ball with my Acute. Many happy orgasms. I get better and better at fingering my clit. It’s unexpected (I had preferred vibes as soon as I learned how to use them successfully) but very welcome.

Update 17: Tuesday

I visit voy forums after a long break. My fetish is alive and well. Five minutes of reading those “memories” and my pussy is positively dripping, swollen and aching for some action. It’s great to have the Acute. I think I’m going to write a love letter to Metis Black.

Update 18: Wednesday

I don’t have any privacy all day so I only manage to complete this part of the assignment after going to bed. I decide to make up for it by trying a new technique. Normally I need direct stimulation of the glans to get off. This time I fantasize till I’m very aroused and put both my hands on my vulva, palms flat, fingers together. The shaft of my clit peeks between my index fingers. I move my hands back and forth, rubbing it faster and faster. My fantasy strong in my head, I get closer and closer and eventually start coming. During the orgasm I get a strong urge to touch the head of my clit so I press my finger against it and the sensation deepens.

Update 19: Thursday

Fun with Acute the wand-style vibe. It’s still a bit too numbing even with a washcloth. Better after the first orgasm.

Update 20: Friday

I put my Mae B. Loveballs in before leaving for the Uni. They aren’t terribly stimulating but they give me some thrill. Finished the day the same way as before.

Update 21: Saturday

Failure. I went for a long walk with my kinky friend and then we ended up at hers. When I got back it was time to go to bed. I wanted to fantasize and get myself in the mood but fell asleep. It’s the second time I broke the rules because of her.

Update 22: Sunday

I had a ball with Acute and my fingers. When I was about to come I got the urge to rip the toy out of my vagina. I did it and the contractions were marvelous. I felt so open and exposed. I think I was close to female ejaculation but I didn’t notice any extra fluid. The situation repeated twice.

Update 23: Monday

I took my three most frequently toys (the clit vibe, the Butterfly Kiss and the Acute) and went of to visit my Gran. Nothing new ;)

Update 24: Tuesday

Things happen. I go to the beach and it soon gets too hot to parade in my jeans. When I decide to settle somewhere, I’m in the “nude” section that I was planning to only pass. I get undressed to my underwear. Soon a guy asks if he can put his towel beside me. I agree. We talk. He jerks off lazily. I take off my bra (mostly because it’s quite thick and warm but also because I get bolder). I flash a bit of pussy. I would have taken my tidy whities off too if I didn’t have so many red bumps from ingrown hair. He touches it but I get coy and tell him to stop. If STIs didn’t exist I would have him eat it then and there. Apparently he wasn’t hot enough for me to forget about safety. He asks about my turn-ons. The word “klismaphilia” won’t leave my mouth. I take the easy way out and tell about slash in general. So much for not censoring myself. He propositions me way to many times. We exchange numbers (because I don’t have the ovaries to reject people to their face and it’s the first time I’ve been asked) and leave. On my way out I meet a cute elderly nudist couple. We exchange only a few sentences but I already feel more comfortable because of the female presence.

I visit my Gran again to collect a package that arrived the other day but I didn’t get it because she was out and I had fallen asleep so the mailman only left the receipt. In the package is my second glass dildo – a copy of the Bent Graduate handmade by a Polish glass artist. I take it home and fuck the shit out of it while my sister is in the living room watching TV. One of my best purchases.

Update 25: Wednesday

Still excited by the previous day’s events I take my toys with me. My Gran leaves her apartment and I have about an hour to myself. I decide to indulge in my fetish since I haven’t done any anal (putting one finger in my ass to force an orgasm doesn’t count) since the beginning of my assignment. Lack of backdoor play would make this experiment totally unrepresentative regarding my desires. I use my clit vibe to get off during the first round. During the second, third and fourth (I use a small bag, nothing hardcore!) I’m still lubricating like crazy but I can’t get off. It’s probably due to the position I’m in (knee-chest). I’m not terribly bothered by it since I shouldn’t be touching my vulva anyway – easiest way to get an UTI. I end the session before it’s supposed to end and that’s good since my Gran returns when I’m hiding the equipment. Funny thing is that later I have a prepared ass and no desire to play with it any more. I fall asleep.

When I get home my Mom gives me a package. My hard-won Delight by Fun Factory has arrived. The fuckers shipped it to my home address (instead of the specified shipping address) and forgot to send the charger with it. I write them an email with a tone as short as its contents and they write back to apologize. My situation isn’t made better when my mother sees a three figure receipt (about $50, I still paid half of the best price I’ve seen). I comfort myself with the copy of Bent Graduate.

Update 26: Thursday

I discover that the Delight came pre-charged and immediately decide to use it. The orgasm is very, very mild. Compared to what I can get from a cheapo Butterfly Kiss it’s hardly noticeable. I repeat the experiment with the same results. Third orgasm of that day is with the bent Graduate and my fingers. I try not to be bitter about it.

Update 27: Friday

I take my toys with me again. That day the American presided is facilitating my orgasms. His visit is so engrossing to my Gran that she stays firmly in her living room watching the TV. I start with Bent Graduate in my pussy and the Mademoiselle “The Amazing Clit Vibe”. Then I switch the glass dildo for silicone and fuck myself some more. I even put the straight end of the BG in my ass. My Gran starts to open the door when I’m mid-orgasm. I’ve never been so grateful for how stubborn that door is.

Update 28: Saturday

I discover a new forum for klismaphiliacs. I think I should contact my HCP about that four-hour erection. My opinion of the Delight shifts when it turns out that my sister doesn’t hear it when she has her headphones on and I’m sitting a meter away from her. It’s the only penetrative toy that I can use wile sitting down, it’s easy to grip and I can use it whenever the mood strikes? I’d been too harsh to it.

Update 29: Sunday

To conserve the battery of my Delight (and have stronger climaxes) I use other toys. Namely the Bent Graduate copy and the Acute. I have an explosive orgasm from fingering my clit roughly and imprecisely (not long ago it had to be direct and precise) and fucking myself with the Acute. My upper body lifts off the bed and then falls back on it. Previously I had to have a good vibe on the clit for that. (The unbeaten record is three “lifts and falls” during one orgasm with the Bead Blossom smelly-jelly rabbit).

Update 30: Monday

I take even more toys with me. I install myself in my Gran’s bedroom and study for a bit (till she knows to leave me alone) with my laptop on my lap. Then I open a folder of images cached from a Russian enema site. The folder is so big I’ve never been able to go through it all. Some have nothing to do with my fetish and some are just tiny thumbnails but the others make up for that. I put my clit vibe where it belongs and start browsing. At first I want to just turn myself on and then move to other toys but this isn’t what happens. I come upon an image of a young man in a submissive position with a hint of a nozzle lying next to him. He has a great ass. Before I know it I’m coming to the thought of administering to him and then fucking him with a Feeldoe. Then I reach pseudo vintage enema drawings and loose it again to the image of a boy receiving an enema while he performs cunnilingus on a woman. Before I numb my clit I decide that enough is enough and put my laptop on the floor, place the images on a loop and put my glasses on. That way I can see the porn but I have good access to my pussy. I fuck myself with all my three dildos, from the smallest to the biggest, coming at least once with each. I’m exhausted by the end of it.

Update 31: Tuesday

The charger arrives. You know what that means.

How did I do?

I’ve failed the “an orgasm per day” rule twice. That gives me an almost 94% score. There were times when I went way over that requirement. So that one is good.

On the “no boring” count I was even better. Maybe you don’t think so – my list reads like “Acute…clit vibe, Acute, Acute, Acute, Bent Graduate, Acute”, but my pussy disagrees with it being boring. There wasn’t one day when I forced an orgasm with my clit vibe and no previous arousal. I wasn’t crossing my legs as much too. I consider my old pattern broken and replaced. That one is awesome.

I completely failed the fantasy writing assignment. I had the material. I had inspirations. I was simply too lazy.

I didn’t use every toy that hasn’t hurt me before. I didn’t use any of my anal toys. My excuse is that when I don’t prep right, they hurt, but the point of this May was to take time and prep properly. I used the Loveballs only once.

I don’t know what grade I deserve for this. I’ve already been rewarded. The orgasms were strong and almost always easy to achieve, my libido got a boost. I got my pussy touched and could have gone way further if I really wanted to.

Best gay sex scene I've seen in a long time

2011-04-03T14:12:00.000+02:00

I've already wanked to it twice (would be more if I had any privacy to speak of). The chemistry is amazing and there are so many hot details.
Go see it!

On responsibility of a slash writer

2011-02-03T19:56:00.004+01:00

I wrote this post because I can't stand the misinformation of some slash (male/male erotic fan fiction) writers unintentionally propagate. Every time I read certain sentences I cringe. Sometimes I close a browser window not finishing a fic I was loving till I read the dreaded sentence. Good story just loses its appeal. What is it about? Anal sex.

All the quotes in this post are written from memory. The credit is not provided because I don't want this piece to be a hall of shame.

S slipped a wet finger inside H's asshole and H closed his eyes in pain.

Unless S is a giant or this is a rape scenario, one finger shouldn't cause this reaction. Maybe you won't believe it but everybody poops. If one finger caused pain imagine what horrors H would have to survive every time he had a BM.

The first time it hurt so much that I was crying.

That quote is taken from a scene when a character described his first time with an experienced, loving partner. And it's total BS and comes form not understanding the nature of preparation and stretching.

Stretching or anal penetration doesn't stretch out the anus! That's why the people who write "it has to hurt the first few times" are in the wrong. Stretching helps the muscles to relax. At first it might take longer because of the learning curve. You learn how to relax your muscles both consciously and unconsciously. But the process is always the same. Sometimes very deep arousal can speed up the relaxation. On the other hand rushing the process will cause pain and difficulty relaxing the muscles.

Why is it so important and why do I cringe every time I see a version of those quotes? Because painful anal sex leads to dangerous complications. Simply ignoring the bit of stinging pain at the beginning and treating it as a price of anal sex may during the years irreparably damage the sphincters. In the sphincters there are sensors that tell you when you have to go to the bathroom. If you damage them you'll lose this warnings. That means diapers.

Anal sex when done without adequate caution may also cause fissures but it doesn't cause hemorrhoids.

That's why every time the bottom feels pain the couple needs to stop and look for the cause. Teaching teenage girls that pain during anal sex is normal is harmful. If you don't know how anal penetration feels, read up on the topic and buy yourself a dildo. But don't let your lack of knowledge or romanticized notions about pain spread the misinformation.

And remember: don't let your characters use numbing gels and don't use them on your own butts. You'll tear yourself before you notice that some thing's going wrong.

My new pervertable

2011-01-08T14:15:00.000+01:00

I can't believe I hadn't thought about it before. I've been dismantling empty electric cigarette lighters since I was a kid. I did it to get the zapper. I used them to make people jump. But the little masochist in me liked to use it on myself. I loved how sometimes I could get the tingling sensation from my palm to the tip of my finger. Today I tried it on my nipples. The sensation is totally different and just amazing! Just like cold needle of pleasure going into your nipple.

What I've learned in the nine years of being orgasmic

2011-01-01T15:04:00.003+01:00

I've already blogged about my first orgasm and how it happened. Now that I'm going into my tenth year of being an orgasmic woman (it's four days past the anniversary) I look back on my journey.

First seconds:

It’s not that hard to come if I've managed it by accident.
So that's why I like playing with my bum!
I'm going to do it every night! (I managed for a couple of months)
Afterglow beats any drug on the market - I don't have to try the illegal stuff. I just know ;)

First months:

Now I can have a second go if I let my clit rest for a bit.
I have a new technique that doesn't require anal play (cleanup was is inconvenient): right index finger on the clit, circling, left index and middle finger pressing my labia against the entrance to my vagina.
Vaginal fingering doesn't do much for me - massaging the outside is better.
I can only come lying on my back.

First years:

I can come how many times I want provided I don't fall asleep during recovery time.
I finally figure out arousal and lubrication. For a long time I confused the small, amount of moisture that usually coats the vaginal opening with sexual lubrication. I started clitoral action too fast and the small bit dried out. I had to help myself with saliva. One time I kept my hands from touching my clit for a long time, fantasizing (about my “one and true love” that has come out of the closet this year - if he'd done it faster I'd just picture myself as a boy and stop trying to make the thought of vaginal intercourse as arousing as the thought of anal was and is - would have saved me lots of unnecessary angst). My clit got swollen and I got very wet. As wet as it had usually been after the first orgasm of the night. I got it.
I read a cheap erotica book with lots of kinks and get really turned only by the one scene. Surprise, surprise it’s anal.
I know how to use my shower-head, though coming standing up is so hard that I always end up with sore thighs the next day.

After 3,5 years (16,5 yo):

A rabbit vibrator really feels amazing once you get used to penetration.
I fall in love with a girl and a boy at the same time. I decide I'm most probably bi. My feelings for her don't fade and I'm following her like a lovesick puppy for a whole year.
I can come lying on my back! I can even do the flip when I'm using my old technique.
All my orgasms get stronger - not weaker.
My sister starts being really sex-negative. I get to observe a case of sexual aversion ;) I shouldn't laugh about it as her frustration is channeled in form of physical violence.
I write first version of my Polish website about masturbation.

After 6 years:

I have best dad ever! He can fix my vibe provided I cover the "naughty part". He buys the half-truth that I have to have it not for pleasure but to lay it on my tummy to lessen my period pain. Truth is the vibe works on cramps - but it has to be on my clit to do that.
I buy my second rabbit. This one is smaller and comes covered in an oily substance. Now I wonder why I wasn't bothered then.
I give myself permission to read voy forums. After an hour of reading I log out, leave the PC to my sister (we had to share back then), grab my vibe and within seconds I come so hard that it probably looks like an epileptic fit. This happens three days in a row. To this day I've never experienced an orgasm of that intensity.
I read Clitoral Truth, the Hite Report and TheClitoris website. All I thought I knew about my cunt is transformed. Now it fucking makes sense. Damn! I have to redo my website.
I find out that I can bend my rabbit so that it is more curved (my sister bends it when I try to scare her with it). Next day I wake up at 5 AM with my first UTI ever. I break all the rules and sneak an antibiotic from the medicine cabinet (it was prescribed for something that turned out to be viral and never used; the leaflet said that it was good for UTIs). I never tell parents. I spend 3 days pretending I'm not lying curled on my bed, dreading the next trip to the bathroom - happy holidays to me.
I start reading about toxic sex toys.

After 7 years:

Wanting to embarrass my sister I buy her a simple harmless looking vibe. She rejects it. Best decision ever. For me, of course.
I finally give myself permission to buy real anal toys. No more waiting for hand out condoms to cover my rabbits for anal penetration. It turns out that when I want to be size queen my butt has a different opinion. While starting out with two fingers is fine, the toys require too much prep and end up getting little use.
I accept my fetishes and stop worrying about them being a turn-off for my future partner(s).
I fall in love with masturbating in front of the camera. So much that I have to remind myself that making myself feel good has a value on its own even if I can't record it.
I join xtube. I get lots of messages and friend invites. I love the attention but contacting those people doesn't appeal to me. Am I a cold bitch and a tease? Or just lazy.
I have a bunch of sexting palls that help with my self-esteem.

Last year:

I meet a bi girl from my Uni. She finds me through a queer culture/dating site. I’m so awkward and insecure I don’t give it a chance to develop. Shame as she would be a fun friend to have if nothing else.
My parents buy laptops for me and my sister. I have more time to watch enema porn and discover Everything Butt, but now we are always in the same room (nobody goes out to sit in front of the PC). We go to bed much later. I don't have any privacy! I have to get sneaky enough to masturbate with her in the same room. I doesn't always work out.
This year (it takes long time to edit this; I started this 30th Dec):
I decide to put myself on a queer dating site to meet somebody for realz. And of course chicken out.
I buy myself another (this time body-safe) rabbit, vaginal balls and a glass dildo and start really getting into vaginal penetration. It's still not very mentally stimulating but combining it with clit stim really prolongs my orgasms. I still don't ejaculate.
I switch to menstrual cup and my period becomes the part of my cycle when I masturbate the most.

While my orgasms are much stronger and longer lasting not every change is for the better. I miss waking when my sister fell asleep - now I would have to do it at 2 or 3 AM. Thanks, but no thanks. I miss longer sessions that didn't have to be recorded in case I don't have the chance for the next months.

Why professional bra-fitting is so important?

2010-12-04T16:05:00.002+01:00

Read on to find out. Your breasts will thank you.

Normally after developing breasts a girl goes to a lingerie store, picks a bra in the color she likes and buys it. Size is not very important to her. Her small perky boobs will mean she choses something with an A in the size. If she has "average" chest she will pick 34C or 34B. If she has big boobs she will probably end up with 36C or 36D. Because DD is SO large that only porn stars and strippers wear it ;)

The girl will most likely wear her 34C into womanhood, through weight gains and drops, till late stages of her first pregnancy, or even longer. Meanwhile her boobs will sag and sag. She will buy tightening creams, do push ups - but nothing will help. She might get so desperate to get her breasts cut and stitched higher to her chest - so that they look the same as they did when she was younger. But everything she tries is doomed to fail because she's not going to amend the cause of the problem.

Band - too loose, cups too small.

I was that girl once. I didn't get pregnant, but when I was 18 I lost about 10 kg (22 lb) due to hormonal changes. My boobs looked so pathetic I didn't want to look at them. I thought that massages, creams and exercise would help. Two years had gone by and there was no improvement. I gave up. And then I came across a wonderful Polish blog. It explained exactly what I was doing wrong. The blog talked about things I didn't know existed - bands tighter than 34, cup sizes larger than F worn by average girls etc.

It's been almost two years since I got professionally fitted. Now my breasts look much better. They still aren't firm enough for me to post a frontal nude here but I'm getting there. I won't explain the theory of proper bra-fitting here - I'll just give a couple of tips. For more information check out:

Bra-sizing
Some posts from the Polish blog that got translated
Fig leaves videos - use the menu on the right!
Tips for Tits
Is 32DDD same as 32F?
Bra-fitting cicade
Break out of the bra matrix

Bra size consists of two elements - a number and a letter (or two letters). The number describes the length of the band and the letter assigns a cup size. Cup volume changes not only from letter to letter but also from band size to band size. It's obvious that 32B is smaller than 32C. But also 30B is smaller than 38A. It's because cups and band sizes are proportional - 30D and 36D will have the same proportions, the second bra will look like the first one - only magnified.

Since the volume is the same why not wear 34C in stead of 30E or 30F? The former size is definitely easier to get. Those bras have different proportions. 34C has larger band and wider but shallower cups than 30F. To illustrate this I drew the under-wires and view of the breasts from the side:

The lady on the left is slim but has very large breasts (I overindulged a bit to make a point ;)). She needs a tight band to support them and large cups to put them into. The lady on the right has small breasts and a sturdy frame. She will need larger band and smaller cups. That's why they are more likely to wear 28H (green) and 34C (red). Not the other way around.

The common mistake when choosing a bra is settling for a band that is just too loose. Most shops don't carry 28-32 bands. When you settle, you pick a looser band and a cup with a smaller letter (volume is comparable but the shape is different!). Oftentimes you have to pick a cup that is too small in volume. And that hurts your breasts. It changes the way fatty tissue lays on your frame. Some of the fat gets squeezed out of the cups and goes under the armtits or even to your back. Hard to believe? Clothes can change the way your bones and internal organs lay, moving fat is far easier.

A band that is too loose won't give you support. To lift the breasts you'll tighten the straps - that will make the back of the bra ride up. Like on the see-saw the breasts will go down again.

So how do you choose a correct bra?

Go to a shop with good pro bra-fitting. A shop that doesn't have bras with bands below 32 and cups above G is probably not a good choice even if you think you don't need those things. If you can't find a good store you have to go through this on your own - get friendly with eBay.
Breath out. Measure under your breasts very tightly - the measuring tape doesn't stretch, the elastic band of the bra does.
Find a correct band. For stretchy bands (most Freya and Panache bras) you can ad an inch or two to your measurement, for tighter ones (LaSenza UK) even four inches can be added. The most important thing is the end result. The band that is correctly fitted lets you breathe easily but doesn't move. If the bra fits better on the tightest hook choose a smaller band. Additional hooks are used to make the bra tighter after it stretches during use. They are not put there in case you put on weight as I once believed ;). To avoid mistakes try fastening the bra with the cups laying against your stomach.
Find your cup size. Cup size can be found only after finding the band. To make sure you're doing this correctly pick a soft bra. Any padding will hide the shape and fit. Use the tables to predict your cup size - watch out for different sizing systems. Then put on a bra correctly. All the fatty tissue must go into the cup. If something is bulging try a larger cup. If you can't fill the cup take a bra with a smaller cup.
Test the bra. Jump, move your arms up and down. If everything stays in place you are set!
If your bra looks like it should be fit but doesn't look appealing on you try a different style. Full-cups are for women with round and firm breasts. Contrary to what we are told sagging breast need something more revealing! My style is half-cups and balconettes.

So to answer the question posed in the first set of photographs:

Bras I used:

34C white, unnamed
34C blue, Atlantic
30F (UK) yellow, La Senza Rouched Ribbon
28FF (UK) white, Panache Tango II Plunge

My measurements:

Under: 26.3 in (67 cm)
Over: 35.8 in (91 cm)

Note: I have a bit of over-spillage - my period is coming and my breasts got a bit larger.

Take care of your boobs!

My breasts

2010-11-29T21:02:00.000+01:00

And here's another one.

Getting real about penis size

2010-11-13T19:11:00.001+01:00

Since only penises I've experienced were on screen, most of them were far beyond average. I would probably be unable to enjoy deep penetration by majority of cocks I've seen in porn. My glass dildo might be 9 inches long but a good part of never enters me - it serves as a handle.
That's why I was delighted to look at some real penises. Some small, some average and some big. The website I found them on is called Erection Photos.
I loved the soft/hard contrast and the animations - especially the second page that showed how foreskin moves over the head.

It's not only guys who wish they lasted longer.

2010-11-09T20:53:00.000+01:00

I've wanted to write about this issue for some time but a post at DodsonAndRoss finally inspired me to get it done. I'm glad I waited - last month I had some insightful conversations with my friend whose reactions and patterns are totally different from mine. It helped me get a perspective. After those talks I became much more understanding and appreciative when it comes to how different women process sexual stimuli.

My sexual scenario usually looks the same:
- I get turned on by reading, gay porn, enema porn (haven't yet tried gay enema porn ;), the fact that I have 5 minutes to myself etc.
- I grab a simple vibe with variable speeds, turn it to medium and start rubbing its tip against my clit (sans hood), with occasional detours towards my vaginal opening and perineum.
- depending on how aroused I was before and what my hormone levels are, after more or less leg tensing, clit rubbing and clenching my teeth I orgasm.

That tactic lets me come in couple of minutes (usually below 5) and produces quite satisfying orgasms - about 7 on 10 point scale. Funnily enough I had both of my only 10s that way to. I describe myself as easily aroused and easily orgasmic but almost criminally impatient.

That assessment was validated last Saturday when I got a ticket to the pool and sauna complex. After swimming I had to warm up in a smaller, secluded pool with a couple of jets that was supposed to be a Jacuzzi. Ever since I heard of girls getting off by the jets I've been wanting to try it. I wasn't very hopeful - the jets were pathetically weak when compared to my shower-head at home. I had to rise myself on my arms to get the stream of warm water at the desired height. The noise was making it impossible to focus my mind on a fantasy. I was afraid somebody's going to walk in on me (somehow my inner exhibitionist had hidden herself) or see through the windows to the other part of the complex (I'm not sure that it didn’t happen).

Finally I decided to give up on getting off, rise up on my arms and let the stream caress my clit. After about thirty seconds of this I came. Long. The orgasm seemed to feel gentler and more prolonged compared to my vibrator or shower-head-induced climaxes. I tried it again after some time - the effect was less spectacular but still pleasing.

Similar prolonging of my orgasm takes place when I use my vibe on low all the way to the orgasm (when I'm trying to be sneaky) or through my clothes (soft pants, underwear). This kind of orgasm is at the same time more as it is less. Coming from a more direct stimulation sometimes feels too intense. Like "so hard it hurts" kinda thing.

There are times when I do something entirely different - I have longer masturbation sessions. But they still comprise of rushed orgasms, one after another with a small breather between to let my clit rest. In those sessions I include penetration (anal or vaginal) and take a bit more time.

My friend on the other hand, as she tells me, is totally different. She takes very long to come but has very long and intense orgasms and she prefers to keep that pace when she's pleasuring someone too. She's sexually knowledgeable and skilled - her long path to orgasm doesn't come from any lack - be it information or finger dexterity. She's also very sexually focused - one track mind if I ever seen one. I love her for it. Not that there ever was anything between us beyond a bit of harmless flirting - that's exactly how we want it.

I tried taking longer - but it seems it doesn't work for me. When I'm tired I go to sleep, when I'm not I get bored and decide to “get it over with already”. Sometimes I manage to get into it and my parents come back from visiting their friends before I have a chance to orgasm. I get distracted; lose everything I've worked so hard for.

Gretta Christina wrote recently that her aging body forced her to learn patience and taught her how to enjoy the plateau phase. So maybe there's hope for me.

Pleasurists #92

2010-08-25T13:49:00.001+02:00

Abandoned Nude 4 by tiago13pereira
Welcome to Pleasurists, a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. For updates and information follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.
Did you miss Pleasurists #91? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #93? Be sure to read our submission guidelines and then use our submission form and submit it before Sunday August 29th at 11:59pm PDT.

Want to win some swag? All you've got to do is enter.

It's raining Tickle gift cards! Deadline: August 27th after the Twitter party.
Liberate Yourself with Liberator Jaz! Deadline: August 27th @ Noon.
An EdenFantasys Reviewiversary Giveaway Deadline: August 27th @ 11:59pm.
Sex Toys 101 Giveaway Deadline: August 29th @ 11:59pm Pacific.
Win the Bullet Bunny! Deadline: August 30th @ 11:59pm Pacific.
Fetish Fantasy Ultra Cuff Set Deadline: August 31st.
100th Post Giveaway Deadline: August 31st @ 11:59pm Central.
Add Some Sizzle to Your Summer Deadline: August 31st.
11:11 Designer Condom Cases Deadline: September 30th.

Editor's Pick

Jackin' Good Time by Sex Pistil

Trust me guys, once you go Jack Jelly, you will never want to go back. Its a non-oily, self warming lubricant, which feels like your very own precum. There are so many pros I don't know where to start.

Editor

Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
Looking for sexy posts other than reviews?

e[lust] #18
On to the reviews…
Vibrators

LELO Mona by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
LELO Gigi by Alegria
We-Vibe II by buzzvibe
Tasteful Treasures Bullet & Bullet Buddy by Lucid Obsession
Digital Egg by Darling Dove
Evolved Roulette Lucky 11 by Marilyn
Pixie Plus by buzzvibe
Dahlia by Jonsbabydoll
Y-Bullet by Sammi
Glo-Glo A Go-Go Flicker Tip by Jane Blow
Lil Teasers Pixie by Darling Dove
Fun Factory Ellove by Rayne
Evolved Silky G by Emme Proper
Climax Rabbit by Lucid Obsession
Doc Johnson Waterproof Pleasure Massage Ball by Joanna Cake
Classix 10 Function Japanese G-Spot by buzzvibe
Evolved Seduction by Payton
Fukuoku Power Pack by Mistress Kay
We-Vibe II by Elodie
Fun Factory Spring by Epiphora
Evolved Serenity by Missy

Dildos

Vixen Creations Woody by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
Handmaiden G-Spot Thrill by buzzvibe
RubyGlass21 Clear Venus by Evil Poptart
Phallix Glass Dildos & Plug by Marilyn
Glass Flower by Mistress Kay
njoy Eleven by Saraid
njoy Eleven by Epiphora
Glass Worxx Shiny Orglassm by WildOrchid
Feeldoe by Mistress Arabella
Rose G-Spotter by Elodie
Vamp Talula by Epiphora

Anal Toys

Toys for Cocks

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

BDSM/Fetish

Adult Books/Games

Adult DVDs & Porn

Storage

Striped Pleasure Can by Mistress Kay

Miscellaneous

Glass Worxx - Shiny Orglassm by Toy Joy

2010-08-22T22:47:00.002+02:00

I’ve never tried a glass toy or a non-vibrating dildo before. Also my attempts at G-spot stimulation were rather pitiful – my fingers got tired too soon for me to start feeling anything and my mini rabbit (Bead Blossom by Seven Creations) gave up ghost before I noticed I could curve it and was not fixed because I got some information on phthalates.

When I first heard about glass dildos I was very skeptical. They were beautiful, that was given but at first I was turned off by the thought of penetration with something that hard. After watching some videos and reading some enthusiastic reviews I changed my mind. The only obstacle that remained was my clumsiness. I won’t pay 50 or even 20 € for a toy I will use a couple of times, fall in love with and then destroy by dropping and chipping. But I read and read and when I was doing a round up for my Polish toy blog (I search for best prices – you can buy FunFactory Delight for 550 PLN but if you’re smart you’ll get it for 300) I came upon Glass Worxx. It’s a line of glass dildos and plugs by Toy Joy.

Toy Joy is like an European version of Doc Johson. Most product is jelly crap but from time to time they get something fabulously right. I already had their Mademoiselle (small hard plastic slimline with velvety texture) which is fantastic – shame it got discontinued. I knew that they couldn’t do anything wrong with glass so I decided to take the risk.

Smart Polish girls can find Glass Worxx collection for 50-100 PLN/piece (12.5-25€). I don’t know how much they are in other countries. LoveHoney wanted twice the amount I paid in my favorite Polish sex heath and wellness store. But let’s stop blathering about money. They were the last thing on my mind yesterday when I was “testing”.

First impression – packaging

Packaging was simple and easy to dismantle – hard white foam around the toy, plastic sleeve and some thin cardboard with some info. It showed off the toy without being obscene. The foam is great for storing so I think I'll keep it.

There was no information about proper cleaning techniques just a statement that it’s easy to clean. The product was described as non-porous and very durable. There was a warning against using it if it got chipped. My guess is that it's boilable – I won't test it because I don't want it to get damaged if it hits the pot during boiling.

Material – quality

When I took the toy out I was impressed – it was ideally smooth – no imperfections or scratches. It's hard to imagine that I got a handmade item for so little. I washed it to check if the paint would peal away (LoveHoney’s clone of the model had that problem). Everything stayed in place. Just washing it I was imagining how it would feel.

Shape, size and TMI

At first I was a bit intimidated with size. Normally I go for smaller toys. Especially the bulb looked big. However, after a good warm up it went in with only minimal effort. The curve proved to be very handy – I could operate the toy with my non-dominant hand.In my right I had a small clitoral vibe. If I had a sensitive urethral sponge (G-spot) this would be a perfect toy for it. Nevertheless it felt really good. The beads were very pleasant. The toy didn't bother my cervix which was low because I was about to start menstruating.

After I finished menstruating I took it for a second spin. It was even better. Normally I'm lazy and stop after the first or second orgasm. That time I didn't. On two occasions I even took the dildo out and washed it, only to decide that I wasn't finished after all. I have sore muscles all over my body – I can't even laugh without pain. I don't regret it.

The novelty of the product hasn't worn off yet and I think by the time it does I will get more skilled with the toy so it will still be fantastic.

I haven't tried it anally – the ball would be really challenging and require lot of preparation to get in, but knowing me it will happen some day. I'll write an update then.

Complaints

None. I'm completely happy. Wouldn't change anything. Or maybe the color, but it's just because I have so many pink/violet toys and I would love some variety. Multicolored dots would look lovely.

I would love to try out Indigo Intruder and Saphire Waterfall from the Glass Worxx series.

Details:

Weight: 415 g (almost a pound)
Length: 23 cm (9 in)
Ball diameter: 4 cm (1.6 in)
Shaft diameter: 3 cm (1.2 in)

My erotic awakening.

2010-08-21T15:09:00.000+02:00

My first orgasm is one of my favorite topics to write about. I still haven't decided if it happened by accident or if I subconsciously planned it. Or maybe an Orgasm Fairy cast an enlightenment spell on me.

It was a quiet winter night three days after Christmas. My almost 14 year old self was lying in bed unable to fall asleep. As I did a couple of times before, I quietly went to my sister's desk and stole a pen she no longer used. I went back to bed, lay down on my stomach and (probably after wetting it in saliva) inserted the smooth end of the pen inside my ass. I didn't know why I frequently got an urge to do this. It just felt like something I needed to do. It filled me with excitement because it was taboo. It also made me a bit ashamed and humiliated that I felt I wanted to do it. As I lay there, sticking my butt up and moving it so that the other end of the pen would I rub against the duvet, stimulating me, I also circled my clitoral glans with my finger.

As I was deciding to stand up and look for something thicker than the pen to put inside me, something happened. I felt a fluttering inside my vagina and my clit got a bit oversensitive. It was very subtle - detectable to only those who know what to look for. I knew! I was so happy - this small orgasm that today I would rate 2 in the scale of 10, produced the strongest afterglow I ever had. I was floating, feeling unity with the universe, love for all things alive and joy that could make me shout from the rooftops about what happened if I wasn't so tired and calm. This was the moment that I felt closest to experiencing something spiritual (I probably still believed in religion then).

The funny thing is that although I knew what masturbation was, I didn't connect that concept with playing with my ass before that night. I also didn't think I was able to make myself come. I thought sex was like tickling - you have to have another person to get results. So masturbating to orgasm was something I considered difficult, maybe impossible for me. Fingering my clit alone didn't bring spectacular results I read about. It was even a bit irritating. So when I got it finally right I was really surprised and proud of myself.

As you can imagine from that day on I was committed to exploring this new sensation. At first I could come once during one night. Then I expanded it to two times. Then I started developing new techniques - eliminating anal stimulation (clean up was inconvenient), adding fantasy, muscle tension, pressure on the introitus.

I'm slightly jealous of girls that got their first orgasms before they even went to school. On the other hand there are women my age who are still waiting. My advice is not to wait. Grab a vibe, put on some erotica. Even if nothing happens you'll have fun trying.

You have to explore, to listen to your instincts - if I hadn't, I wouldn't include anal stimulation and nothing would have happened. That form of pleasure is very important for me. It still is the number one thing I use when something inhibits my orgasm, be it a position or mood. You have to find your own quirks and kinks. It may be hard - we are under a strong pressure to conform to certain standards. We feel disappointed when something doesn't work on us the way the author of this book or that article described it "should".

We have to accept that we are different. Some of us need very direct, intense clitoral stimulation, others prefer gentle touch through the hood. Some of us have a sensitive front wall of the vagina and urethral sponge that likes pressure. Others feel irritated by this kind of stimulation - I'm still on the fence on that one ;). Some of us like their breasts played with, other prefer just having their nipples squeezed while I don't care one way or the other most of the times - I have only two hands and more pleasurable uses for them. I could name a lot more techniques and repeat "some like, others don't" but I think I've made my point.

To complicate matters even more those preferences change - not only during lifetime - as it is expected, but also during menstrual cycle. We have our own patterns - usually with a peak during ovulation. For some there might be another peak just before menstruation, just after or during. My best time might be when you have your worst.

Explore and celebrate the difference!

No one is safe...

2010-06-10T23:21:00.000+02:00

Whenever my mum hints that I could meet a boy and form a relationship with him I reply that currently I'm more likely to want a girl. She doesn't treat it seriously - thinks my bisexuality is just a fad.
Today I bumped into my first friend C. We met when we were 5 and then attended the same classes for almost 10 years. She was my closest friend until I met K. tough she had closer friendships with other girls. I never was the kind of BFF that will go with you to the smelly school bathroom because she can't stand to be apart. We went to different high schools but managed to keep in touch till we graduated. Now we see each other once in a couple of months and always by accident.
She always was slim and fit, a lot of people found her attractive. I considered her nice looking but didn't feel any kind of sexual pull towards her. I think I felt about her how I would feel about my sister if I was "normal". Today we spent about half an hour talking on the bus and I kept trying not to stare at her breasts (rather small but perfectly lifted). She became sexual in my eyes. And sexy.
Later today I got my Filament Magazine (I'll review I promise). I commented to my Mum how happy I was and how I liked the artistic photos of men. She was surprised I said men not women. Of course I explained that if I wanted art/porn with women I would visit modfetish or something like that. I can't find photos of men taken with similar aesthetic. Filament filled that void.
Excuses, excuses. The truth is no one is safe from me. Hide while you can because I'm planing to start having partner sex sometime this summer.

Just had an eye orgasm!

2010-04-15T21:59:00.002+02:00

Wanted to make a video today – didn’t work out. Sorry.

2010-04-14T21:09:00.000+02:00

My parents decided to become asexuals . I know it’s impossible by definition – you don’t choose who you are attracted to ergo you don’t choose your sexual orientation. But you can force yourself to behave in a certain way. People do it all the time – we don’t sleep with anyone we’re attracted to just the ones we select. And we can of course force ourselves to perform sex acts that leave us cold. Since we moved out of the capital and into my dad’s hometown – which was about 20 years ago – my parents’ sex live died. And since they don’t need it they can’t understand anybody who does need to have her own sex life.
They think I’m weird for masturbating and buying sex toys. I can live with that. My mother is a bit more sympathetic – sometimes she chastises my sister when the little shit calls me whore for doing it. My sister is a typical emo Twihard. She doesn’t have a boyfriend because she is too much of an introvert (sounds familiar? ;)) to get one. But she won’t masturbate either because she says it’s unnatural. What’s natural for her is expressing her sexual frustration by physically and emotionally hurting us. She’s 20 and she still hits her older sister in order to feel better. Who’s the sick one?
While masturbation when done in private is almost OK in my home, capturing it and sharing videos on the net is not. They think it’s freaky, unnatural and I should go to a psychiatrist if I want to do such things. They can’t understand that it’s safest and easiest way for me to be sexual with other people. They would be totally OK if I found a boyfriend and fucked him six ways till Sunday. Mildly OK if it was a girlfriend. But exploring on my own, for my own sake and pleasure, without the benefit of a relationship and then sharing it? It sounds too much like sexual freedom.
So no video today. I’ve got about 5 minutes of good footage. I could post it but then I would give away all my ideas for a longer video. So I’m going to keep my secrets and wait for a time when I’ll get some privacy.

Me, masturbating

2010-03-30T21:12:00.002+02:00

My xtube channel

2010-03-25T22:46:00.000+01:00

I haven't made a new movie for a while but just for the record here it is:
Link
There are two of my movies. One shows me trimming my pubic hair really short. I meant to make a sequel showing me shaving the remaining hair but I never got to it. When I was making the clip I was a bit overexcited so I accidentally cut myself. My poor rosebud.
The second clip - I fuck myself - shows me using a vibe on my clit and then inserting another one in my asshole. I meant to make it longer and use my inflatable plug after I stretched myself enough but my body refused to cooperate. I never try push past pain when doing anything anal. Discomfort is okay if it passes quickly but real pain is a "back off" sign. And the widest part of the plug just wasn't going in. So I didn't force it.

Started as an intro, went deeper

2010-03-20T22:38:00.000+01:00

I thought I need a blog for posting about my sexuality. It's just wrong to put those posts on my fandom Live Journal for everyone who knows me to read them and get a very strong case of TMI. On the other hand I'm too much of an exhibitionist to lock them.
Now. A few things about me. I'm a total virgin. It's not because of some crazy religion - I'm an atheist. It's (probably) not because I'm gross. I'm just not searching for the person I would like to sleep with. It's mainly because of my social awkwardness and my love for solitude.
There were many times I considered putting up an ad to find a girl my age or a bit older to explore my sexuality with. Every time something stopped me. If I think about the obstacle harder it's apparent that it's caused by my insecurities.
Funny that I can easily masturbate in front of my camera and put those clips on-line but I can't ask a girl out. Even as a "friend with possibilities".
And don't let me even get started on guys. It's been some time since I was attracted to a guy from Uni. (I blame the percentage of gorgeous girls in Chem department - there are hardly any boys). And thinking a guy sitting opposite me in the bus is hot doesn't count because there will be no interaction. My insecurities about interacting with boys are tremendous. There is one young male I'm comfortable talking to! And it's only because I'm not attracted to him. He's quite handsome but there is no spark. And he's a bit awkward too.
At least I've got an excuse for not being comfortable around guys. I was bullied for most of my childhood. It stopped only when I went to a fantastic high school where things like that were just not on. My parents tried to stop the bullying but they were powerless. In retrospect they should have pulled me from my junior high at least. It was a terrible place. There were a lot of kids from dysfunctional families who took out their pain on others.
I know that most boys are not like that. But to tell the truth I didn't have any opportunities to really learn that. The only males I had good contact with through my childhood and teens are family. In high school I was already turned off interacting with boys. Since some of them were handsome and nearly all of them were intelligent I crushed on them like mad. Silently. Because the damage has been done. I also had a major crush on a girl and stayed silent but the circumstances were totally different. She wasn't showing any signs of being bi or gay and I didn't want to face rejection. She was good sort so she wouldn't have made a fuss of me making a pass at her but I didn't want to feel humiliated even by private and polite "no".